Posts

Traps

squirrel

We’ve come to call our good friend, Kevin, who lives in Kansas City, “The Squirrel Traper”.

 

Yes, we have. He’s become obsessed with getting the squirrels away from his new roof and he’s trapping them.

 

He’s pretty humane about it. He takes them to another location to release them.

 

Absolutely, sets them free.

 

He just doesn’t want them damaging his roof.  In the same way it’s not a bad thought to think about the traps we need to set around our own house of love to protect it.

 

Sometimes the things that can creep in and damage it, like bitterness, resentment, or even self-pity I can be guilty of sometimes.

 

Friend, think about this in your own relationship. It makes for a good conversation. What traps do you need to set around your house of love?

 

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

 

Listen to today’s audio here.

The Value of Laughter

laughter

Anyone who hears us talk much about marriage knows we value laughter.

 

It is so intimate to laugh together.

 

But isn’t there kind of a double edge sword when it comes to laughter?

 

Yes, there can be. Because when you’re on the end—the receiving end—of a zing, sometimes you can really get your feelings hurt.

 

That is the result of sarcasm, right? That’s humor at somebody else’s expense.

 

Here, I’ll tell you what. The truth is, some people feel really connected when they are throwing around those kind of barbs, and other people feel very distanced by it.

 

It comes to understanding your spouse’s funny bone. Did they grow up in a home where that kind of thing was connecting or disengaging? It’s a good question to explore together.

 

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

Repair

repaircar

One of my friends is a car nut. I mean he is a fanatic, and he is always rebuilding car engines

 

It’s a mystery to me, but he loves putting that back together.

 

Rebuilding it. The same way, I was thinking about how you rebuild something as important as trust in a marriage.

 

That’s right. It’s kind of like putting that engine back together.

 

Because we break that trust sometimes over even small things, like a pattern of over spending or over working—and we have to establish this good faith between us.

 

It’s so vital. Friend, in your own relationship as you think about rebuilding trust on a big scale or little scale, remember it’s vital to driving you to the next level of intimacy.

 

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

Hope in Marriage

We’re having coffee yesterday with our friend Tim, and he told us something that really startled us. We’ve known him for more than fifteen years, and we learned something new about his marriage.

 

He described a moment three years into their marriage where he came home to an empty house, the furniture was gone, and his wife had packed her bags and moved away.

 

Now it’s twenty years later. Of course they’re married, have two great kids, and they’re doing great.

 

A great couple!

 

You’d never know it. Such an inspiration for couples that are experiencing the same thing.

 

When you face one of those moments were you’re holding onto nothing but commitment, there is reason for great hope.

 

Friend, there’s hope for you and every marriage, even in the darkest days of the relationship.

 

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

 

Listen to today’s audio here.

Car Wash

Okay, so we’re driving through the car wash yesterday, and our three year old said something that took us by surprise.

Here we are going through this loud machine—they’re fascinated by everything—and he turns to us all and says, “Hey guys, it’s cozy in here!”

And it is cozy in the car, with all that’s going about you. And we said, the same can be true for a relationship.

It is true. Sometimes the stressors we face actually do draw us together, because we have get connected to build our strength—and it really is a cozy kind of a thing.

As you think about that in your own relationship, think how you protect one another from the stuff that’s going on about you, how you can find comfort and coziness in your relationship.

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

Battleship

Last night we’re sitting around the table playing Battleship, our two little guys are with us—the three year old doesn’t get it at all—and our seven year old, he’s catching on.

He’s just starting to get the strategy of how you can really try to sink someone’s battleship.

And so we’re calling out these numbers, and trying to say, “Hey, you look at it up here on the radar and then you look down here below for your own.”

Reading the radar is a complex skill for him.

And it’s complex for all of us even in our relationships.

To kind of intuitively begin to read the radar of our spouse and move in the direction that they need—that is a skill.

Friend, it has to do with listening to the words underneath the message. Tune in to your spouse’s radar.

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio.

 

Will A Baby Draw You Closer?

Shine.FM this is Dr. Les Parrott, and I’m Dr. Leslie Parrott, your Shine.FM relationship experts.

It’s another week in seminar. We’re in Boston giving our talk, and we ask the question we so often ask to an audience: What are some of the common misbeliefs of marriage? This guy hollers out his answer, and it cracks everyone up.

He says, “You know if you’re not doing so well, having a baby is the thing that will draw you closer together.”

Not necessary true.

It’s not true because even though we love those kids with all out hearts, they make it a little bit more difficult to get that intimate time.

Friend, think about this in your own marriage. Kids are a huge blessing, but they don’t always bring us closer together.

If you have a comment or question for Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

Using the Conflict Card

OK, so we are having an argument and one of us is pretty amped up about it and we go, “Wow! Is this really for real? You feel this intense about this?” Yeah, and in trying to get some objectivity we will pull out this simple Top 10 list that helps us rank the intensity of our feelings. Yeah, we call it the conflict card. We’ve used this for years. We’ve given it out at seminars. It really is like a little list. Number One says, “I’m not enthusiastic, but it’s no big deal to me.” You go down the list clear to Number Ten, which says, “Over my dead body!” And it’s just so helpful because it really does help you to pick and choose your battles wisely. Friend if you want to download a FREE Conflict Card, check it out here.

If you have a comment or question or for Shine.FM’s Relationship Experts, Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott, visit the relationship experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

The Fog of Worry

OK, here’s a random piece of trivia that I found fascinating. According to the Bureau for Standards, a dense fog covering seven city blocks, think about that, to a depth of a hundred feet contains less liquid than a single glass of water. Is that not amazing! That is truly amazing and that’s something for me to remember, because I can so easily get overwhelmed, like a dense fog of worry, when it might be just a small issue. Well, that’s why I bring that up. I do the same thing and a little thing can become so big. Friend, don’t allow a small amount of worry to fog up your visual field when it comes to your relationship.

If you have a comment or question or for Shine.FM’s Relationship Experts, Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott, visit the relationship experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen today’s audio here.

 

Laughter: Medicine to the Soul of your Relationship

OK, this joke is really starting to wear on us, but our eight-year old continues to tell it and he says, “They’re looking for you.” And you say, “who” and he says, “The squirrels! They think your nuts!” He just thinks that’s the funniest thing in the world and so does little three-year old brother. And it is so funny just watching their humor and it’s very contagious and intimate. That’s what it is like marriage. When you do something intentionally to make me laugh, I just feel so connected with you. There is great healing that comes in laughter. Friend, think about this in your own relationship. Study your spouse’s funny bone. What will make him or her laugh?  It really is like medicine to the soul of your relationship.

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM Relationship Experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.