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Thoughts Create Emotions

You know, I think it is pretty difficult to exaggerate the value or the importance of a thought, a single thought as it impacts your marriage. What you think creates the emotions you feel, especially toward your spouse or about your marriage. Yeah, somewhere along the line somebody said something in a classroom or some seminar that I heard, “You’re only one thought away from a good feeling.” Isn’t that the truth? It’s really true. You don’t feel like you have that power. You know, I might say, “Oh, he’s being so mean!” instead of, “He’s really tired right now.” That can change my emotions. That’s a good one to keep in mind. Friend, what do you need to keep in mind as you consider the thoughts that can change your relationship starting today?

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM Relationship Experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

Law vs. Love

Well, we are on a lot of airplanes because of the work we do. Yeah, this time we encountered an unusual thing – the rule keeping flight attendant. Boy, I have seen a more legalistic person in my life. Apparently, you can’t hold a magazine in your lap for takeoff. It was unbelievable and it just rubbed us the wrong way and we got to talking about the difference between grace and that spirit of keeping the law. Well, especially as it applies to relationships, not just flying in airplanes. Right? Absolutely, marriage is miserable if your spouse can’t understand that there need to be exceptions and a lot of forgiveness along the way. Friend, think about that in your own marriage and don’t allow the law to outweigh love. Don’t allow rules to overtake your relationship.

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM Relationship Experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

Feedback

One of the most important relationship principles that anyone can master says, “Who you are is not necessarily what you do.” Boy is that important. Especially when it comes to the words we speak to our spouse in marriage and the kind of feedback we give. Well, I think it is important to separate the person from the behavior, right? Yeah, if I say, “You’re so irresponsible!” that is one kind of message. If I say, “You know what, I noticed you forgot the trash again this week.” Or when someone turns the radio station, you say, “Who made your king of the radio?!” Right? Yeah, instead of just, “Hey, I’m over here. Did you notice me? I’m in the car too.” Friend, think about this in your own relationship. Make sure you separate the person from the behavior.

 

If you have a comment or question for Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

 

Listen to today’s audio here.

 

Good News: Elderly Couple Flips Car, Take Selfies

 

An elderly couple rolled their car over and had a very different response than your normal car accident victims. They took selfies! The unnamed couple, who have been married for 60 years and are in their 80’s, were driving their blue Honda Fit along Linda Flora Drive in Bel Air, California when somehow they flipped it over. Amazingly, no one was injured, so the couple decided to take a picture while waiting for the fire department. Click here to check out this hip couple.

 

Be Right or Be Married?

Well, I’ve got a question that someone posed the other day, “Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?” It kind of depends on the mood I’m in in an argument sometimes, but I understand your point. Yeah, because sometimes we get so kind of rot up in some kind of situation about proving our case that we kind of forget that, “Hey, it’s just a little point here and the big picture is we are on the same side.” Exactly, that the relationship matters a lot more than the exchange we are having right now and if I’m right or wrong. Yeah, and that can be about anything – how you drive the car, what we are having for dinner or anything else. Friend, think about that in your own marriage. Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM Relationship Experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

I Promise

You every feel like you are breaking a promise to your spouse when you didn’t even know you made a promise? Now come on! You said we were going to have date night tonight and it’s not going to work out and sometimes I think that’s a promise. Well, you say, “Hey, how about catching a movie sometime?” and yeah, you might read that as, “Hey, you promised to take me to the movies.” Exactly! That never entered my mind. It was just a suggestion for you, but I took it to be gospel truth. So you say, “Promise breaker!” Exactly, and I’m crushed fallen. Friend, think about this your own relationship. If you encounter some disappointment about a set up that you didn’t know existed, empathized with your spouse to see why would have read something into a message that wasn’t there.

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM Relationship Experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

The Key in Your Relationship

OK, I’ve got to admit it. I was pretty frustrated this week when you lost the car key that is a pretty expensive little item to replace. Yeah, and I was agonizing. I was looking everywhere for that thing and I finally had to replace it, because I became aware that I need that key constantly. You need a key to get to where you are going. Exactly! You know what, the same is true in marriage. Sometimes you’ve got to have just the right key to unlock something we don’t get – communication or whatever it is. Yeah, or conflict resolution. Friend, think about that. Is there a particular key you are looking for in your relationship? Perhaps it’s time to find it in a new book, maybe a seminar or even a conversation with another couple.

If you have a comment or question or for Shine.FM’s Relationship Experts, Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott, visit the relationship experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

Humor and Humility

OK, so you do enough public speaking and you’re going to say a few things that don’t come out the way you expect and that happened this in St. Louis. Yes, it did. You were teaching an acrostic and you said the ‘A’ stands for ‘Loyalty’. Yeah, and I didn’t know what everyone was laughing at. I couldn’t gain my composures because here you are the professor and it was obvious that was not exactly what you intended to say. Right, ‘A’ stands for ‘Approval’ not ‘Loyalty’ right? Exactly. But that kind of reminded us of something. I love your humility. When you bring that gift of humor and humility into our marriage and keep me laughing, it is the most intimate experience we can have.

If you have a comment or question or for Shine.FM’s Relationship Experts, Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott, visit the relationship experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

Same Goal, Different Routes

Well, we had a flight scheduled for Minneapolis this week and I made the flight, but you didn’t. I missed my plane, although it wasn’t irresponsibility. It was a snow storm I got caught in. We got there eventually, together. We gave our seminar that night, but nobody would have suspected we got to the same place via different routes that day. We never imagined it. That same is true sometimes in marriage life, becuase we will have a common goal we are working toward, but my personality or my circumstances causes me to get there in a different way. Well, I think that is a great point to remember in our marriages. We might have the same goal in mind, but our personalities cuase us to take a different route.

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM Relationship Experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

Traps

squirrel

We’ve come to call our good friend, Kevin, who lives in Kansas City, “The Squirrel Traper”.

 

Yes, we have. He’s become obsessed with getting the squirrels away from his new roof and he’s trapping them.

 

He’s pretty humane about it. He takes them to another location to release them.

 

Absolutely, sets them free.

 

He just doesn’t want them damaging his roof.  In the same way it’s not a bad thought to think about the traps we need to set around our own house of love to protect it.

 

Sometimes the things that can creep in and damage it, like bitterness, resentment, or even self-pity I can be guilty of sometimes.

 

Friend, think about this in your own relationship. It makes for a good conversation. What traps do you need to set around your house of love?

 

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

 

Listen to today’s audio here.