Dear Dr. Bill,
I recently became a single mom to three daughters, all under the age of 7, including an infant. I work full-time outside the home, take online college courses, and I’m active in church. In the past I’ve bragged about not needing a “man” and of being totally satisfied with God as my source. But I’ll have to admit that I had no idea how much I would need another pair of hands, another set of wheels, and a shoulder to cry on every single day! I’ve moved in with my parents and appreciate their help, but they are busy, too. As much as I rely on the Lord, I want to know if it’s unhealthy to want someone to help me with all of this—like a man? What do you think?
Thanks for your willingness to be so vulnerable about your life. I feel for your situation…your life sounds almost overwhelming right now. Thank the Lord for your parents…what a blessing that you’ve been able to move in with them and they are such a help to you.
First of all, there is nothing wrong with desiring close human relationships in your life. If somebody told you that the only relationship you need is with God, they are ignoring what God himself says in his word.
He designed us for relationships with others. The New Testament is loaded with verses that tell us how important relationships are in the body of Christ.
The first thing you need to do is to find a healthy church and develop some close relationships with other Christian women. Join a moms group and search for some caring women in your neighborhood or community. Join a babysitting co-op so you can get a break from the kids once in a while.
Your desire to find a man to share your life with is very normal and natural. But you need to be cautious. I would suggest you get some counseling and take a hard look what kind of relationships you’ve had in the past. If those have been unhealthy, you sure don’t want to repeat that pattern again.
Thanks for writing, Debbie. If you have a question for me about family issues or Christian living, click the “Question” link on the Family Expert page.
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