A Dad Is Heartbroken Over His Daughter’s Unplanned Pregnancy

Dear Dr. Bill,

Our 23-year-old daughter just announced that she’s pregnant.  She’s been dating her boyfriend for about 3 months now.  Both of them claim to be Christians, but our daughter hasn’t showed any interest in attending church in recent years.  My wife and I love her very much, but we are broken-hearted over what’s happened.  How do we work through our feelings and how we can help her in the days ahead?


Dear Tommy,

I’m sure you’re experiencing a mix of emotions right now.  On the one hand, you want to support your daughter during this very critical time.  At the same time, you are very disappointed that she hasn’t pursued purity with her boyfriend, and is now dealing with an unplanned pregnancy.

Given the situation, I would encourage you to avoid the temptation to “preach” to your daughter about her mistake.  Instead, let her know that you are saddened by her actions, because you believe strongly in God’s design for sexuality and relationships.  At the same time, let her know that will do everything in your power to assist her with her pregnancy and to help her make the right choices moving forward.

Encourage her to “choose life” and carry the baby to term.  If she is considering terminating the pregnancy, ask her to consider visiting a pregnancy resource center to have a free ultrasound procedure.  Offer to accompany her to offer emotional support.

You didn’t mention if she and her boyfriend are planning to get married, but if you believe he is a man of good character who will provide for her and the baby, encourage them to consider that option.

If marriage is not an option, help her decide if God would want her to raise the child herself or pursue the equally loving option– adoption.

I’d also encourage you to visit Focus on the Family’s website dedicated to crisis pregnancy.  It’s www.heartlink.org.

Thanks for writing Tommy.  If you have a question for me about family issues or Christian living, click the “Questions” on the Family Expert page.

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