Listening

You know somebody said that a good listener is a good talker with a sore throat.

 

I love that. That’s sometimes what it takes for me to be a good listener.

 

I think sometimes it just is kind of disciplining yourself to say, “Hey, I’m going to stop talking and tune into my partner.”

 

The truth is I thought I was a great listener until I realized I interrupt you all the time and finish your sentences. I don’t even wait to hear you out.

 

It goes both ways. I love what Will Rogers said when he said, “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” Pretty plain, but you get the point.

 

I get the point.

 

We all do. The point is sometimes we need to just stop talking and start listening.

 

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here. 

Surprises

Our two little boys love the element of surprise.

 

Don’t they?

 

They want to create one in anyway they can and especially if you’re going to greet them for the first time.

 

They hear the garage door coming up, hide mom’s coming home—you know, “Let’s surprise her!”

 

You got to admire that because they want it to be a moment they want you to really notice them when you greet them.

 

Not a bad quality.

 

I relate to that totally in marriage it feels so good when someone gives you attention and really celebrates that moment of seeing you.

 

There is something about that moment when you reconnect at the end of the day.

 

Think about that, friend, in your own relationship. Bring a little element of surprise in your reconnection.

 

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here. 

I Love You Today

 

You have a little song that you sing nearly every night to our boys.

 

Yes. Despite the fact that I can’t carry a tune, I sing it every night. It’s just a simple little tune.

 

This is the kind of song that it doesn’t matter whether you can carry a tune or not. It’s the message that matters.

 

The whole song is: “Did anybody tell you ‘I love you’ today? Put me on the list. Let me be the first. I love you, today.”

 

And they just love it; they can’t go to sleep without it.

 

You know, I think that it’s a kind of a song that almost any spouse would love to hear from their partner at times too.

 

I’d like you to tuck me in that way.

 

I would. That’ll be a first. Let your spouse know you do love them today.

 

Everyday.

 

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here. 

Resources

This last Christmas our little seven year old boy was asked to light the Advent Candle at our church—pretty big deal for him.

 

He was very excited and little nervous.

 

What cracked me up, he got in the car after they’d asked him and he said, “Dad, I’d like to do it, but I don’t have a match.”

 

He was very concerned about not having the resources.

 

The funny thing is I can relate to him because sometimes when you invite me to do something with you I’ll think I don’t have that talent, I don’t have the skills, I don’t have what it takes.

 

Playing Tennis comes to mind.

 

Yes it does.

 

Friend, think about that in your own marriage. What are the things you might just instantly resist because you don’t think you have the resources? Your enthusiasm and willingness may be the only resource you need.

 

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here. 

The Fat Flush

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It seems like everybody these days is on some kind of a diet of some kind—protein or whatever it is. I hear a lot about this thing called the Fat Flush.

 

It’s kind of an extreme measure for just a few days and gets you jump started back to health.

 

There is something about that flushing out the fat that applies not just to your body, but even to your relationships, especially your marriage.

 

You mean our marriages can get out of shape like we can?

 

Absolutely! Like when we don’t exercise certain things.

 

I think it’s a really valuable principle.

 

We take on extra weight.

 

We get unfinished things between us and it kind of weighs our relationship down.

 

The residue of stuff that is unresolved. Friend, think about that in your own relationship. Can you give your marriage a fat flush?

 

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here. 

Emulating Your Spouse

Here’s a question we use to sometimes convey a compliment that generates some positive discussion.

 

Yeah. Here’s this question: what is one quality of your spouse that you would most like emulate in yourself?

 

You begin to talk about that—you have a pretty good conversation almost guaranteed.

 

I know that these days the thing I see in you I would love to do more, kind of accessible to people.I mean you have a way of relating to people that just puts them at ease immediately.

 

It’s so funny that you would say that because the one thing that would want to emulate from you is the opposite of that. That’s this total commitment to finish what you started. You get so much done from not being interrupted by me.

 

Friend, tell your spouse what quality you’d like to emulate.

 

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here. 

Connecting with Friends as Couples

After wrestling our calendars for I don’t know how many weeks, we finally got together with Gary and Christie.

 

We’d been wanting to get together with them. We finally settled for lunch. We couldn’t even get an evening.

 

There was something about reconnecting with good friends that we haven’t seen for awhile that empowered our own relationship—just to talk, to commiserate, to celebrate, but to be in the prescience of good friends as a couple.

 

It really is a supportive thing. Our marriage benefits a lot from hearing what other couples are going through and sharing the ups and downs.

 

And being honest. Friend, think about that in your own relationship. Make sure you’re making the time to connect with friends as couples together.

 

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here. 

Childhood Comforts

I just got back from Boston this week. That’s my hometown and that’s where I grew up as a kid.

 

You had such fun. You said, “It was like nothing had changed. It was almost exactly the same.”

 

It was great. I went back to Brigham’s Ice Cream in my little neighborhood where I grew up. I had a vanilla cone with chocolate jimmy’s on it.

 

Which are sprinkles for the rest of us who didn’t grow up in Boston.

 

You know, there’s something about going back and finding comfort from those things in your early childhood.

 

You know what’s so fun is when you’re a spouse you can bring some of those childhood comforts into your marriage and celebrate your spouse that way.

 

Absolutely. You grew up in Texas and I know there’s certain things you enjoy about that. It’s that idea of providing comfort for your spouse that provides comfort for your relationship.

 

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here. 

Memories from Paris

Here’s a conversation starter: what’s the most sentimental object you have from an experience the two of have shared together, and what makes it so?

 

It’s kind of funny because nobody would look at this object and think it’s meaningful but the two of us, because it’s a little silver place card holder in the shape of some kind of bird from Paris. An evening I’ll never forget in our whole lives.

 

We had one of those once in a lifetime trips and it was wonderful. I see that little thing in our kitchen and I think about the conversations and the fun we had in that evening together.

 

And homes are filled with those treasure. They’re not valuable for any reason other than they remind us of our shared journey.

 

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here. 

How Polite Are You to Your Spouse?

We have a friend who never shies from asking blunt questions. The other day he said, “Hey, on a scale of one to ten, how polite are you two to each other in your marriage?”

 

Do I have to share my number?

 

That was a pretty interesting question.

 

But you think about it. We don’t often use our social graces in our marriage where we need them most.

 

Especially when you’re tired, when you’re hungry.

 

Late at night is a bad time for me to be nice.

 

It sure is. I’m glad you’re aware of that. Friend, think about that in your own marriage. Don’t let courtesy be passé. Treat your spouse how you’d like to be treated—with a good measure of politeness.

 

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.