Battleship

Last night we’re sitting around the table playing Battleship, our two little guys are with us—the three year old doesn’t get it at all—and our seven year old, he’s catching on.

He’s just starting to get the strategy of how you can really try to sink someone’s battleship.

And so we’re calling out these numbers, and trying to say, “Hey, you look at it up here on the radar and then you look down here below for your own.”

Reading the radar is a complex skill for him.

And it’s complex for all of us even in our relationships.

To kind of intuitively begin to read the radar of our spouse and move in the direction that they need—that is a skill.

Friend, it has to do with listening to the words underneath the message. Tune in to your spouse’s radar.

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio.

 

Will A Baby Draw You Closer?

Shine.FM this is Dr. Les Parrott, and I’m Dr. Leslie Parrott, your Shine.FM relationship experts.

It’s another week in seminar. We’re in Boston giving our talk, and we ask the question we so often ask to an audience: What are some of the common misbeliefs of marriage? This guy hollers out his answer, and it cracks everyone up.

He says, “You know if you’re not doing so well, having a baby is the thing that will draw you closer together.”

Not necessary true.

It’s not true because even though we love those kids with all out hearts, they make it a little bit more difficult to get that intimate time.

Friend, think about this in your own marriage. Kids are a huge blessing, but they don’t always bring us closer together.

If you have a comment or question for Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

Using the Conflict Card

OK, so we are having an argument and one of us is pretty amped up about it and we go, “Wow! Is this really for real? You feel this intense about this?” Yeah, and in trying to get some objectivity we will pull out this simple Top 10 list that helps us rank the intensity of our feelings. Yeah, we call it the conflict card. We’ve used this for years. We’ve given it out at seminars. It really is like a little list. Number One says, “I’m not enthusiastic, but it’s no big deal to me.” You go down the list clear to Number Ten, which says, “Over my dead body!” And it’s just so helpful because it really does help you to pick and choose your battles wisely. Friend if you want to download a FREE Conflict Card, check it out here.

If you have a comment or question or for Shine.FM’s Relationship Experts, Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott, visit the relationship experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

The Fog of Worry

OK, here’s a random piece of trivia that I found fascinating. According to the Bureau for Standards, a dense fog covering seven city blocks, think about that, to a depth of a hundred feet contains less liquid than a single glass of water. Is that not amazing! That is truly amazing and that’s something for me to remember, because I can so easily get overwhelmed, like a dense fog of worry, when it might be just a small issue. Well, that’s why I bring that up. I do the same thing and a little thing can become so big. Friend, don’t allow a small amount of worry to fog up your visual field when it comes to your relationship.

If you have a comment or question or for Shine.FM’s Relationship Experts, Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott, visit the relationship experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen today’s audio here.

 

Laughter: Medicine to the Soul of your Relationship

OK, this joke is really starting to wear on us, but our eight-year old continues to tell it and he says, “They’re looking for you.” And you say, “who” and he says, “The squirrels! They think your nuts!” He just thinks that’s the funniest thing in the world and so does little three-year old brother. And it is so funny just watching their humor and it’s very contagious and intimate. That’s what it is like marriage. When you do something intentionally to make me laugh, I just feel so connected with you. There is great healing that comes in laughter. Friend, think about this in your own relationship. Study your spouse’s funny bone. What will make him or her laugh?  It really is like medicine to the soul of your relationship.

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM Relationship Experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

The Empty Chair

emptychair

You know I teach a university class on counseling. One of the techniques we get to eventually is this thing called the empty chair.

 

That’s a powerful and emotional experience.

 

It’s basically where you have the client sit in a chair facing an empty chair, and they have a dialogue a conversation with somebody they might not otherwise.

 

Something in their life that is unfinished business, and they start talking with that person as if they were in the room.

 

It kind of ties up the loose ends.

 

Exactly. Unfinished business really does distract us from living fully in the present.

 

Friend, think about that in your own relationship. What loose ends do you have that are calling for your attention keeping you from living fully in the present?

 

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Predictability and Comfort

sandwhichdeli

We had a great meal this week in Los Angeles.

 

It was just a vintage deli that hasn’t changed in years.

 

Just the opposite of trendy. There was something really comforting about that good quality food in that old fashioned place.

 

It was absolutely charming and so fun.

 

There is something about that in our own relationship when we find those little pockets of comfort that are kind of predictable.

 

The things you almost would find boring about a marriage together, yet they become the vary things that connect us the most sometimes.

 

That is exactly right. Friend, think about that in own relationship. Where are those pockets of comfort that you can come to rely on, like a good quality meal at an old fashioned restaurant?

 

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Knowing your Spouse

icecream

I’ve been on this kind of banana and peanut butter kick, haven’t I?

 

You have that—and your Lemon Sorbet. It’s so funny because as soon as I take for granted that I know exactly what you like, you change. You have this new thing, like the chocolate peanut butter ice cream or whatever it is.

 

There is something about that in marriage that we’re always in flux. We’re always changing and staying current with each other is the goal.

 

You can kind of get bored with each other if you take each other for granted and think, “Oh, I know you,” and make assumptions. The truth is we got to check in with each other, stay current, and really know our spouse.

 

Friend, think about that in your own marriage. Are you staying current today?

 

If you have a comment or question for Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here. 

Gifts of Love

clock

Okay, I’m the first to admit it I am not a morning person. If it’s up to me, I’d get up at the crack of noon almost everyday.

 

That is so true about you. That’s why this is so fun for me. The other morning we had to get up super early for a responsibility. The alarm went off, and I was supposed to get up first. You turned to me and in your sleepy voice said, “If you don’t want to get up yet, I’ll stay in bed.”

 

It made sense at the time to me.

 

I knew in your sleepy voice you were trying to offer me that extraordinary move of getting up first so I could sleep in.

 

Sometimes a gift comes out that way. The intention is there it just doesn’t sound right. Friend, think about those gifts of love even when they don’t come out right. They can still be received with an open heart.

 

If you have a comment or question for Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here. 

Mistaken Motives

frustrated

Friend, have you ever had that experience from your marriage where your spouse kind of jumps to conclusions about your motives, and you’re immediately in the dog house when you really didn’t deserve to be there?

 

You had that experience recently, didn’t you? And it was my fault. You called to say you were running late to pick John up at the school bus stop. I thought just typical of you to just push your schedule, try to do too much, and you couldn’t get there in time.

 

I can understand that, but in this case I really was following through. Yet sometimes I do the same things to you. We read motives in that aren’t there. That is never healthy for a marriage.

 

Friend think about that in your own relationship. Make sure you’re not reading motives that aren’t there.

 

If you have a comment or question for Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.