Be Right or Be Married?

Well, I’ve got a question that someone posed the other day, “Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?” It kind of depends on the mood I’m in in an argument sometimes, but I understand your point. Yeah, because sometimes we get so kind of rot up in some kind of situation about proving our case that we kind of forget that, “Hey, it’s just a little point here and the big picture is we are on the same side.” Exactly, that the relationship matters a lot more than the exchange we are having right now and if I’m right or wrong. Yeah, and that can be about anything – how you drive the car, what we are having for dinner or anything else. Friend, think about that in your own marriage. Do you want to be right or do you want to be married?

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM Relationship Experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

I Promise

You every feel like you are breaking a promise to your spouse when you didn’t even know you made a promise? Now come on! You said we were going to have date night tonight and it’s not going to work out and sometimes I think that’s a promise. Well, you say, “Hey, how about catching a movie sometime?” and yeah, you might read that as, “Hey, you promised to take me to the movies.” Exactly! That never entered my mind. It was just a suggestion for you, but I took it to be gospel truth. So you say, “Promise breaker!” Exactly, and I’m crushed fallen. Friend, think about this your own relationship. If you encounter some disappointment about a set up that you didn’t know existed, empathized with your spouse to see why would have read something into a message that wasn’t there.

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM Relationship Experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

The Key in Your Relationship

OK, I’ve got to admit it. I was pretty frustrated this week when you lost the car key that is a pretty expensive little item to replace. Yeah, and I was agonizing. I was looking everywhere for that thing and I finally had to replace it, because I became aware that I need that key constantly. You need a key to get to where you are going. Exactly! You know what, the same is true in marriage. Sometimes you’ve got to have just the right key to unlock something we don’t get – communication or whatever it is. Yeah, or conflict resolution. Friend, think about that. Is there a particular key you are looking for in your relationship? Perhaps it’s time to find it in a new book, maybe a seminar or even a conversation with another couple.

If you have a comment or question or for Shine.FM’s Relationship Experts, Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott, visit the relationship experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

Humor and Humility

OK, so you do enough public speaking and you’re going to say a few things that don’t come out the way you expect and that happened this in St. Louis. Yes, it did. You were teaching an acrostic and you said the ‘A’ stands for ‘Loyalty’. Yeah, and I didn’t know what everyone was laughing at. I couldn’t gain my composures because here you are the professor and it was obvious that was not exactly what you intended to say. Right, ‘A’ stands for ‘Approval’ not ‘Loyalty’ right? Exactly. But that kind of reminded us of something. I love your humility. When you bring that gift of humor and humility into our marriage and keep me laughing, it is the most intimate experience we can have.

If you have a comment or question or for Shine.FM’s Relationship Experts, Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott, visit the relationship experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

Same Goal, Different Routes

Well, we had a flight scheduled for Minneapolis this week and I made the flight, but you didn’t. I missed my plane, although it wasn’t irresponsibility. It was a snow storm I got caught in. We got there eventually, together. We gave our seminar that night, but nobody would have suspected we got to the same place via different routes that day. We never imagined it. That same is true sometimes in marriage life, becuase we will have a common goal we are working toward, but my personality or my circumstances causes me to get there in a different way. Well, I think that is a great point to remember in our marriages. We might have the same goal in mind, but our personalities cuase us to take a different route.

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM Relationship Experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

Traps

squirrel

We’ve come to call our good friend, Kevin, who lives in Kansas City, “The Squirrel Traper”.

 

Yes, we have. He’s become obsessed with getting the squirrels away from his new roof and he’s trapping them.

 

He’s pretty humane about it. He takes them to another location to release them.

 

Absolutely, sets them free.

 

He just doesn’t want them damaging his roof.  In the same way it’s not a bad thought to think about the traps we need to set around our own house of love to protect it.

 

Sometimes the things that can creep in and damage it, like bitterness, resentment, or even self-pity I can be guilty of sometimes.

 

Friend, think about this in your own relationship. It makes for a good conversation. What traps do you need to set around your house of love?

 

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

 

Listen to today’s audio here.

The Value of Laughter

laughter

Anyone who hears us talk much about marriage knows we value laughter.

 

It is so intimate to laugh together.

 

But isn’t there kind of a double edge sword when it comes to laughter?

 

Yes, there can be. Because when you’re on the end—the receiving end—of a zing, sometimes you can really get your feelings hurt.

 

That is the result of sarcasm, right? That’s humor at somebody else’s expense.

 

Here, I’ll tell you what. The truth is, some people feel really connected when they are throwing around those kind of barbs, and other people feel very distanced by it.

 

It comes to understanding your spouse’s funny bone. Did they grow up in a home where that kind of thing was connecting or disengaging? It’s a good question to explore together.

 

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

Repair

repaircar

One of my friends is a car nut. I mean he is a fanatic, and he is always rebuilding car engines

 

It’s a mystery to me, but he loves putting that back together.

 

Rebuilding it. The same way, I was thinking about how you rebuild something as important as trust in a marriage.

 

That’s right. It’s kind of like putting that engine back together.

 

Because we break that trust sometimes over even small things, like a pattern of over spending or over working—and we have to establish this good faith between us.

 

It’s so vital. Friend, in your own relationship as you think about rebuilding trust on a big scale or little scale, remember it’s vital to driving you to the next level of intimacy.

 

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.

Hope in Marriage

We’re having coffee yesterday with our friend Tim, and he told us something that really startled us. We’ve known him for more than fifteen years, and we learned something new about his marriage.

 

He described a moment three years into their marriage where he came home to an empty house, the furniture was gone, and his wife had packed her bags and moved away.

 

Now it’s twenty years later. Of course they’re married, have two great kids, and they’re doing great.

 

A great couple!

 

You’d never know it. Such an inspiration for couples that are experiencing the same thing.

 

When you face one of those moments were you’re holding onto nothing but commitment, there is reason for great hope.

 

Friend, there’s hope for you and every marriage, even in the darkest days of the relationship.

 

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

 

Listen to today’s audio here.

Car Wash

Okay, so we’re driving through the car wash yesterday, and our three year old said something that took us by surprise.

Here we are going through this loud machine—they’re fascinated by everything—and he turns to us all and says, “Hey guys, it’s cozy in here!”

And it is cozy in the car, with all that’s going about you. And we said, the same can be true for a relationship.

It is true. Sometimes the stressors we face actually do draw us together, because we have get connected to build our strength—and it really is a cozy kind of a thing.

As you think about that in your own relationship, think how you protect one another from the stuff that’s going on about you, how you can find comfort and coziness in your relationship.

If you have a comment or question for the New Shine.FM relationship experts Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, visit the relationships experts page at Shine.FM.

Listen to today’s audio here.